Wednesday, October 04, 2006
The real reason for lack of updates
I realised how much worse I have gotten since my mums last atttempt. I am so concerned about getting everything right that I cant just have fun, I craft but then dont like it and am to embaressed or I craft like it the cant get a good photo and am to embaressed.
I used too be the good one about not caring what others thought - way back in my teenage hey days, but its hard now, so many titles to live up to, I am the sensible good girl( even if I did have a baby at 20) yet still yearn to be carefree - though with my babies - I mean in my actions my crafts my arts.
I feel that I have to try extra hard cause I look thriteen ( still at 27) and I have these child people still assume Im the irresposible one. So I try extra hard to be the good woman.
I hide the depression cause its not what good women have and even in my sane moments are afraid that if I talk about it my children will be sent to foster care like my siblings and I were for that year. The stigma of that still stays with me.
I feel that what ever I do isnt good enough, though in the few clarified moments it is, I am.
I realised how much worse I have gotten since my mums last atttempt. I am so concerned about getting everything right that I cant just have fun, I craft but then dont like it and am to embaressed or I craft like it the cant get a good photo and am to embaressed.
I used too be the good one about not caring what others thought - way back in my teenage hey days, but its hard now, so many titles to live up to, I am the sensible good girl( even if I did have a baby at 20) yet still yearn to be carefree - though with my babies - I mean in my actions my crafts my arts.
I feel that I have to try extra hard cause I look thriteen ( still at 27) and I have these child people still assume Im the irresposible one. So I try extra hard to be the good woman.
I hide the depression cause its not what good women have and even in my sane moments are afraid that if I talk about it my children will be sent to foster care like my siblings and I were for that year. The stigma of that still stays with me.
I feel that what ever I do isnt good enough, though in the few clarified moments it is, I am.
# posted by blondebabypeaches @ 1:11 PM 
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Hey, Thanks for popping in to see my blog. You know, I called it Patch Me, not only because I do patchwork, but because I quite often need patching myself. I too battle the dark demon of big D.
I wasn't going to have a blog for a long time, because I feel that I don't live in a perfect pretty world. When you look at peoples beautiful blogs, you feel that they have some perfection that you don't. But really, nobody knows what goes on behind the facade.
You'll probably understand when you read my blog, about the cushions. I cried for two weeks, as I had put my heart and soul into them, and then I felt ashamed, that it was my fault that they weren't good enough.
Try and enjoy your sewing, and when things get bad, throw a child in the stroller and walk. Exercise helps with those naughty depression brain chemicals.
Apologies for the long essay.
I wasn't going to have a blog for a long time, because I feel that I don't live in a perfect pretty world. When you look at peoples beautiful blogs, you feel that they have some perfection that you don't. But really, nobody knows what goes on behind the facade.
You'll probably understand when you read my blog, about the cushions. I cried for two weeks, as I had put my heart and soul into them, and then I felt ashamed, that it was my fault that they weren't good enough.
Try and enjoy your sewing, and when things get bad, throw a child in the stroller and walk. Exercise helps with those naughty depression brain chemicals.
Apologies for the long essay.
Who doesn't suffer from some sort of depression? Over the years I have learned that crafting helps me get through it. I need to craft to stay sane. Sure, there are times that I feel guilty about not spending time with my children because I need time to myself, but I know that it makes me a better mother. Being a mom is HARD. Go easy on yourself. We're all struggling.
Oh, and about not thinking that your crafts are good enough - I'm sure they're fine. We are our own toughest critics. Yes, the finished product is satisfying, but you should also take enjoyment in the process in creating. It doesn't have to be perfect *another lesson I am just now learning.
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Oh, and about not thinking that your crafts are good enough - I'm sure they're fine. We are our own toughest critics. Yes, the finished product is satisfying, but you should also take enjoyment in the process in creating. It doesn't have to be perfect *another lesson I am just now learning.
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